Oh the joys of home ownership. And getting your place fixed up. And having lots of strangers in your house all week, apparently showing no mercy on your guest bathroom.
You know how between our floor install and waiting for our carpets to dry, we used the guest bathroom as extra storage space for random crap?
Well it turns out one of the guys who was in our house used it to store some random crap of his own (ba-dum-TSH!). One evening after having the door closed a few days while the carpets dried, Evan went in to move the stuff we had stored there.
And that’s when he found it.
The massive turd.
We did not take any pictures that night, so I hope this superfluous amount of gifs and videos will suffice instead. So no, we don’t have any pics of the poo. That would be gross. But Evan did hold up his hands to show me how big it was. Lets just say that the guy who left it there loved us thisssssssssssssssssssssss much.
Simply trying to flush the monstrosity was just making the water rise, so what did what any loving homeowners (with no money to spare) would do: we decided to fix the clog ourselves.
Evan wouldn’t let me in the bathroom while he worked on the situation (he said it was something a lady should never have to see) so I spent the hours (yes, hours) googling home solutions for a clogged toilet. The plunger didn’t work. The baking soda + vinegar trick was a fail. And the hot water + dish soap method was also unsuccessful. Between each attempt we had to wait for the water to slowly drain down, and before we knew it it was 1:30 am. We decided to call it a night, went to bed, and had bad dreams about poop monsters. (fast forward to 7:15 on the video)
The next morning Evan went to work and warned me not to go in there, saying he’d try some more when he got home. But I couldn’t focus knowing what was lurking in our guest bathroom, biding its time, silently mocking me. I had to check things out for myself. Let me just paint a picture for you of what I saw when I peeked inside:
Gross. Poopy. Water. Mush. All the way to the brim of our bowl. With floaty chunks. Ewwwwwww!!!!!
I got out of there as fast as I could and hopped back on Google to look up some other ways to fix the situation. I found that basically we had two more options: we could either pour a bunch of chemicals into the bowl, or we could get a snake/auger to manually loosen things up. The chemical route was easier but there was not really room for any more liquid in there, so anything we did pour would have just been floating on top and letting off harmful fumes (as if there weren’t enough harmful fumes in there already, bleh). So auger it was!
But before doing anything, I ran the guest bath water for about 10 minutes to make sure that the water there would drain. Since it did drain, that meant the clog was isolated to our toilet. If it hadn’t drained, that would have meant the clog was in our main line and we had bigger problems on our hands that a plumber would have to fix.
So I went to Home Depot, avoided eye contact, and scurried to the plumbing aisle. It must have been obvious that I had no idea what I was doing, because a guy there buying parts asked if I needed help. I painfully explained the situation to him and he suggested an auger meant for sink drains that I could stick straight down the flap in the toilet tank to loosen things up, therefore avoiding the icky bowl all together (I think he could tell I was a little grossed out). For those of you like me who did not yet know what a flap was, it’s literally the little flap in your tank that is lifted when you flush to let water in. Anyway, this is what I bought:
Going through the tank seemed like a great idea. Seemed easy. Until I opened the flap to stick the auger in and MORE water started going into the already full bowl!!!! If it had not been for my cat-like reflexes I would have been ankle deep in somebody else’s poopy water. And our new floors could have been ruined! With pooooooopy waterrrrrrr. Blerrrrghghg. So derp is me, should have realized that this would happen before I bought the dang thing.
On a side note, I would suggest to anyone messing with their toilet to turn the water supply to the toilet OFF (clockwise) before you start. It’s that little dial looking thing that connects your toilet to your wall. Here is ours:
Seriously, if your bowl ever starts to fill up farther than it should, shut that thing off PRONTO. And do it anytime you are about to work on your toilet just to be safe.
Ok, now back to the story. I know everyone just can’t wait to hear what happens next in our toilet adventure.
When I realized the first auger wasn’t going to work, it was back to Google and then Home Depot for me. Luckily I found this awesome video tutorial which made the idea of snaking a toilet myself a lot less intimidating. Hmmm, never thought I’d describe a video featuring a toilet as “awesome.” How times have changed!
I came home with my second auger of the morning, a more traditional 3-foot contraption that you stick down the bowl drain. Luckily these things are pretty cheap since I was already on number two (heh heh number two, get it?). Here’s the one I got.
But here is where things got really interesting.
Well, interesting may not be the best word for it. Super gross? Disgusting? Desperate? Something I never thought I’d ever do? It was pretty much all those things.
See, the water still was not draining at all and I had a full bowl of poopy water. Trying to do the auger in that mess would have resulted in splashing it everywhere, which I was not ok with.
So I put on some rubber gloves. Found a plastic cup. And went to work. I had to reach into a bowl of poopy water and scoop it out, cup full by cup full, transfer it to our other toilet, and flush.
I’m not sure if you realize how much water is in a full toilet bowl but it is a LOT. And as the water got lower, it go chunkier too!!!! Ew gross gross gross!! But I FINALLY got it down to a workable level. After getting rid of the poopy-water-gloves and poopy-water-cup, I grabbed the auger, forced it in, swiveled things around for a while in each direction, flushed…. and the dang bowl was filling up with poopy water again. Blast!!!!!
But I had read that sometimes it takes two, even three attempts with a auger to break things up enough in there to be able to flush it down. So I got a new pair of rubber gloves and a new cup and I did it again. Scoop. Transfer. Flush. Gag extensively. Until another entire bowl was empty.
I tried the auger once more, and again it did not work :(
So yet AGAIN I grabbed another new pair of gloves and another new cup and emptied the bowl for one last attempt. Keep in mind, at this point I have now reached into and emptied THREE bowls of poopy water!!! THREE!!!!!!! And still, when that third bowl had been emptied, and I stuck that auger in for the third time, it didn’t work. Nooooooooooo!!!!!! :(
Balderdash! I had scooped enough poopy water for the morning thank-you-very-much!!!!! I called our plumber and half an hour and a hundred bucks later, we had a working toilet again. After all was said and done, I took a cold shower…
…and bleached the entire room.
And now everyone who comes over and uses our guest bathroom can remember this wonderful tale! But don’t worry about clogging it, I think the plumber felt bad for me because he gave me a “guarantee” on his work…. IE if anyone ever comes over and clogs it again, he’ll fix it free of charge. He also fixed our flap, which apparently was not letting enough water in to flush and might have caused the problem in the first place (though I’m sure the size of the mega turd played a part in it too). I asked why my auger didn’t work and he said it’s because I needed a more hardcore 6-foot one (mine was only 3 feet). After all that work and research, I was so close!!
But hey, the good news about having our plumber over is I got to pick his brain about some leaks the inspector found in the attic. Which we are going to try to fix ourselves. I know I know, we are crazy. More on that in a later post though!